If you’ve been around this here blog long enough, you know my stance on having kids and working. If you don’t, here it is:
If you want to work and not have to raise children, don’t have them. Easy!
I’ll go a little more into that here but first I want to explain how I came to that conclusion, and in a later post I’ll share with you an expert’s stance on the matter.
Once upon a time, I wanted to be a power woman. I wanted to climb ladders. I wanted to get to the top. Of what? Didn’t matter; I wanted to get there. And then keep climbing. After being so accomplished in school and having a really bright future ahead of me, I thought I wanted to keep the streak going even after getting married and having kids.
(Funny how the term “bright future” has come to mean so many different things, and not one of those meanings revolves around good ole’ fashioned values, it seems.)
I wanted my future husband and I (yes, I “knew” of this long before getting married) to still keep on having amazing careers and an amazing family.
Then once we’d had kids, my parents could take care of those kids! Because who better to help us raise them than the two people who raised me?
Then I met my husband.
He’s the kind of man who’s fine with any decision that I make as long as it benefits the whole. Things that I see benefit me and ultimately us, he’ll support. He wants me to be happy, after all.
When we first started dating, I pictured us having it ALL later on.
As we got to know each other, however, I realized that having it all meant something had to give.
He deserves more
The more and more I interacted with this man, who was completely fine with letting my parents raise our future kids while we focused on our careers and two salaries and hobbies and everything else, the more I came to the realization that this man deserves a wife who’ll take care of him by taking care of his home.
Now, don’t ask me WHEN I had this epiphany or what exact moment led to it: All I know is that at some point, a lightbulb went over my head and I thought:
“Here’s the man of my dreams who’ll move over mountains for my sake…who’ll stay all day in a job and who has no problem providing for his future family and taking care of me…and I’m not even willing to take care of our home and children? So he’ll do ALL THAT, and he won’t even get to come home to a hot dinner or a loving wife who made it for him and made sure his kids were well-taken care of?”
What I decided next came as no shock to anyone, not even myself.
I decided that him, my future husband, deserved a nurturing wife. Not a wife who’d be gone for nine hours a day and then maybe help out around the house if she had a bit of free time, but someone who’d be nurturing 24/7.
And I was (and have been) determined to be that for him. He’ll be the provider; I’ll be the nurturer, we concluded. He’ll make sure to bring food to the table; I’ll make sure to make it for him and our children while also caring for our home, so to speak.
(As the loving man that he is, of course he’ll be doing more for our family than just being the main financial provider.)
Suddenly, I didn’t care about climbing ladders. In fact, I also realized that the more ladders I climbed, the more difficult it’d be for me to at some point leave that position. So I also decided to always remain in a position that wouldn’t be difficult for me to leave.
(Don’t get me wrong: I’m happy at my job. And I really enjoy working on the side and having clients as part of my side business. Well, who am I kidding: My side business is a blast and something I thrive in and I’ll continue doing perhaps forever.)
How Dr. Laura affected my decision
At around the same time that we decided those things, my mom and I had started listening again to The Dr. Laura Program on SiriusXM. We used to listen to her every day when she was on public radio years ago, but then she left that outlet and we didn’t have satellite radio for a long time, which left us Dr. Laura-less for years.
When we started listening again, it was like a breath of fresh air. Here was this woman speaking out, with SUCH common sense, against ALL the crap that the “progressive” (but oh-so-hurtful) media was preaching. On all aspects! Marriage, relationships, education, parenthood, this woman became my 3rd role model.
(My mom is my top role model; my grandma my 2nd, and Dr. Laura my 3rd.)
On several occasions during that time, Dr. Laura shared her disdain for daycares and moms/parents who’ve come to rely on them.
Each and every time she’d explain her point of view, I’d go, “Well, yeah! That makes sense!” Or “She’s right: I shouldn’t have to leave my kids with anyone else!”
And my favorite line of hers: “If you Won’t Raise Them, Don’t Have Them!”
Recently, she elaborated even more into her position in one of her opening monologues. Because I don’t want to make this post much longer, I’ve decided to share it with you on a follow-up post.
You see, when I listen to Dr. Laura, be it at work, home, or while driving, I make sure to pay very close attention because she shares such wisdom so often. Then, when I have the opportunity and there’s something major I need to keep in mind, I’ll go back to that segment and actually transcribe it or take notes in my journal for future reference.
This time I decided to transcribe that particular monologue for a few reasons:
a) Show you more about how I arrived to that decision
b) Explain how feminism (the modern kind) has really hurt women
c) Keep it for future reference. (As I explained above, I like to transcribe some of her monologues for my personal journal and/or future posts)
c) Hopefully inspire one or more of you who think that daycares and other alternatives to YOU raising your children are the right choice… to reconsider, which would also…
d) …save some kids.
Without going into other personal decisions we’ve made since we were courting, while we were engaged, and during our young marriage so far, I’ll conclude that personal story with this: I can’t wait to serve my husband in ways that I’ve only been able to dream about for now, in the near future.
And I can’t wait to raise amazing human beings who’ll go on to lead the best lives imaginable.
That’s a pretty damn good meaning to the phrase “bright future,” isn’t it?
Read more about what Dr. Laura Schlesinger thinks about daycares in next week’s post.
For now, I want to know what YOU think about working and trying to raise kids at the same time. You know where I stand and you’ll learn more about why next week, but what about you?
Don’t forget that some of us have to work. My ex husband either didn’t work or worked very little our entire marriage. Thank goodness I have a marketable skill and could support us. But I would would have traded the job for being at home in a heartbeat.
I didn’t forget :) and that’s commendable you would’ve made that trade if possible, because sadly not many moms feel that way. The argument doesn’t go, “ONLY moms have to stay at home.” If a dad does it while the mom brings home the bacon, that’s great. A parent staying home is what’s best.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting!!